Thoughts...

Things change, and people change.
and it sucks.
and sometimes, it sucks but you're just tired of caring that it sucks.

Getting married changed a lot of my friendships.  I'm not saying it was entirely my fault, or entirely theirs.  People change.  I just realized that even though I love my friends, and girls nights, and drinking on occasion, my priorities and desires are different.  Even more so now, after the wedding, but before too.

After we got engaged, we were on a tight budget to pay for the wedding ourselves.  We were also on a strict guest list.  Some people didn't get that, and asssumed they were invited, or could bring a date, or whatever and got offended when what they thought SHOULD happen, didn't.

Some friends, one very close friend in particular, were not being as supportive as we needed.  Were making decisions bad for their lives, refusing to accept help, and making me distance myself.  It still makes me sad, but I am happy that it looks from afar as if some changes have been made...I just wish things could have worked out.

Some people I thought were my friends, weren't at all, and were completely rude and irresponsible when I needed them most, and it was disappointing to have to suffer that during the happiest period of my life so far.
and some people, while I was trying to be friends, were being friendly to my face, and then doing awkward, mean things behind my back, and making me question why I was trying so hard in the first place.

Now, after the wedding, when we are free to do more things both budget and schedule wise, I find the things we want to do are different.  The idea of going out drinking both nights on the weekend until 3am no longer appeals.  I'd rather stay home and do movie night with hubby, or go out for dinner and drinks with the girls, home in bed by midnight.  I'd rather have house parties with my friends than go to clubs and spend obscene amounts of money to be around people I don't know.
I'm looking to our family and our future, spending time and money decorating our home rather than on booze, looking into paying off our debt and saving up so we can, sooner rather than later, starting trying for a baby.
My favorite weekends are the lowkey ones, with close friends and our families, spending time with my parents and sister, and growing closer with the best in-laws in the world.  It's nice to feel like one big family now.
I'm also taking steps forward with my life, working my job and starting a wedding and event planning business on the side.  I have 2 weddings for 2013 and am so happy to be working on my dream!!
I signed up to walk the 3 day with my mother-in-law and am forcing myself to train and work out in ways I've never made myself before.
I'm changing.
I'm thrilled about it.  I like where I'm going, I like who I'm becoming, I know my husband likes it, and we are only getting closer and stronger as the days go by and we grow together.
It just makes me a little sad that some friends can't deal with the changes, can't be happy for the things we're doing, can't support us or our new low key (mostly) lifestyle.

Just one of those things I guess. I'm lucky that we do have such a good family, and good close friends who love us and what we do and decide.  We get to go to NC this month to meet even more of Zack's family, and I'm excited beyond words for that.  I know who our family is, I know who to trust and who not to trust, I know who has our best interests at heart, and that's all that matters.

Sometimes dealing with change is hard though...but for the best :)

Home owners projects begin!

So in the 5 months we've owned a home, we haven't done a whole lot of homeowner projects, you know, cause we didn't have any money.
So now, in the 17 days we've been married, I want to do all of them at once.

Zack does not share this enthusiasm, as usual.

The thing I've wanted to do for months is paint the guest bathroom...and get a duvet cover and new pillows for the kingsized bed we got as an early wedding gift...and do a photo wall...and get more bar stools...and get new countertops....

ANYWAY! guest bathroom.  White tile, white paint, white bathtub, white sink and counter. No.
I'm trying to make it into a spa oasis, with light grey walls, white fluffy towels and eventually a jacuzzi tub (hear that Zack??).  We finally bought the paint last weekend, so that's my Sunday "use your St. Patty's day hangover for good" project.  I'll let you know how it goes.

I did get the pillows and duvet cover in the master bedroom though, and some pictures hung in the house. We also got awesome new wine holders for the bar:

They're amazing.  I haven't named them yet, but I'm working on it.

also, Stalking http://www.younghouselove.com/ has me wanting to do some tile backsplashing in the kitchen.  That might be big project number 2. Post bathroom painting of course.  I'll document that here. I'm really working on keeping up with the blog, if only for a way to remember all this stuff :)

Married!!

So in the month since I last posted, I've gotten married.
Let me tell you, people are right when they say the weekend flies by and things you thought would matter didnt.  Almost the whole weekend went perfectly.  The hotel was annoying, a bridesmaid caused some annoyance and the cake a little lopsided, but other than that it was everything I could have hoped for.
Z cried when he saw me, everyone raved about how awesome our ceremony was and how much fun they had and....we're married.  and that's what matters.  I got to see my family and friends I hadn't seen in awhile, and meet tons of his family and friends.  Now i'm even more excited for his cousins wedding in April, when I can see those people again and meet even more.  I love my family but it is so great to have so many more to love!!

People are right when they tell you that changing your name is a bitch too.  It still isn't done after 2 trips to the social security office, but I'm giving it another try tomorrow.  So that should be fun.  I also needed to order a new copy of my birth certificate, since mine is lost somewhere and I can't get a new driver's license or passport without it. Yippee.  I think this whole thing is a racket, and with all that it costs, I'm not sure how the government is in debt, but yet again, worth it in the long run.

I'm on my way out the door, and will update more later (maybe with pictures :) ) but just wanted to touch base. I'm so lucky to have the amazing friends and family that we do, and I love you all!

Getting ready for the most photographed day of my life...

I completely agree with the idea in America that you don't need to be skinny to be beautiful.  I think curvy women are awesome, I just don't think all those same curves look good on me.
I've always been thin on accident. Genetics, metabolism, whatever.  I weight 88lbs until I started high school, then I got small boobs and a small butt and over the next 5 years gained about 50lbs.  I'm 5'10", so this was not a bad thing.
Then I met my fiance.  I was bartending, I was moving a lot and eating a little and I was 21.  I was sooo skinny that looking back, I don't want to be that skinny again.
but then, over the course of the 2.5 years we've been dating, my metabolism slowed down, I ate more, and I broke my arm.  My broken arm was casted for 8 months (no joke) and I gained more weight.  Like 25-30lbs more.  Don't get me wrong, I still think I look good.  My boobs got bigger, which is always awesome.  but so did my lovehandles.  The cast just came off my arm in November, and I just got released from PT (for more at home therapy) a few weeks ago.  I can walk on the treadmill and ride a bike, that's about it for my working out.  No more yoga, or pilates (which I loved before) and I can barely lift the weights I need for therapy, although I am getting much better with those.
Looking at my clothes, and my not fat but fat to me arms, I'm worried about my wedding day.  More photos will be taken of me that day than any other day of my life.  I'm walking every day, and have lost about 10lbs with that and a semi-good (as in, better than candy bars and chili dogs) diet, but I still worry.  I want toned, ripped arms that I can look back on with pride.
and it made me think, would I care so much if society didn't?  If my wedding photos wouldn't be all over some social networking site for all our friends, families and exes to see?
I think I would, because I care how I look, but maybe not as much as I do now.  How society sees us plays a big role in how we see ourselves.  I see myself as strong, confident and sexy.  I like my new curves, I just wish parts of them were less curvy.  I guess the point is, I think I'll look beautiful on my wedding day, because I'm happy,  and I think that's the point of life, just accept yourself and be happy.
Now, excuse me while I go run on the treadmill and eat only lettuce for a month. <3

He makes the money, I spend it...

My fiance makes more money than I do.  By a fair amount.  This is fine with me.
I pay all our bills because he can't remember to do trivial things like keeping the water on, which is also fine with me.
The problem arises out of my love of clothes.  and purses. and shoes.  When I want new purses or shoes, I can usually just order them out of "my" account, which I keep with his full knowledge solely for the purpose of buying 6 pairs of nude high heels or expanding my Vera collection.  The good news is, he never notices new purses or shoes unless I point them out. The bad news is, we're getting married in a month, and are mostly paying for it ourselves.  Therefore, even "my" money isn't mine..so I have to convince him I NEED things that I want. ie: the seersucker dress I must have
 me:  *link to dress*
  tell me i can have $100 to buy this.
Zack:  lol that's pretty
me:  pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease
game day dress
wedding attendance dress
AWESOME SEERSUCKER DRESS
Zack:  after the wedding

then he goes on to talk about basketball.
This is just one of those things that happens when you get married and decide you're a responsible grown up, isn't it?

Intro!!

So I'm new to this whole thing. All I know is I read a lot of blogs, both those belonging to people I know and those that I don't.  I think I lead a fairly entertaining life.  It's full of surprises, that's for sure.
I'm just over a month out from my wedding, which I'm throwing for 200 people. No. I don't even know 200 people, that's the funny part.
  I have the best fiance anyone could ask for in Zachary.  He thinks I'm funny and charming and a little bit crazy, all of which is true. We work hard, we play hard, we make each other laugh.
We have 2 dogs, and in the midst of wedding planning, we bought our first home.  We're still working on decorating it and filling it up with stuff.
We live by the beach, our first date was to the beach and we try to go as often as possible.  Lately, that hasn't been nearly enough.  I'm ready for a honeymoon and some mai tais...

We have a great family and an awesome set of friends. I don't know what we'd do without them.  I'm excited to chronicle this time in our lives, and I'll probably include some posts about things that happened in the last 11 months of our engagement.  It'll be part wedding, part humor, part little ol me.  I think what I've gone through in this engagement might be of some good advice to other girls, but we'll see.

Off for now, to think of something witty to say later <3